Candidate Bob

Some in the blogosphere have advocated for a Kansas Bob presidency.. some have flagrantly offered themselves to be my running mate. Got me to wondering what kind of emails people would get if I ran for president.. hmmm.. consider this email:

I have been concerned about the background of Candidate Bob and from various viral emails and bogus Internet sources I have discovered the following:

While working as a "technician" for Ma Bell in Houston Texas in the 1970s Candidate Bob was influenced and brainwashed by subversive cult members who convinced him that he "needed" Jesus.

After that period in his life Candidate Bob moved to Kansas and became a computer "programmer" (some of these "programmers" are the very ones who infect your computers with viruses and spam).

During this time he also spent much of his time immersed in subversive ideology at "bible" college and could be heard telling people that they "need" Jesus.

One person has come forward and spoke of how he warned them about going to hell.. he was a raving zealot of unbalanced and cult-like proportions. Sometimes he was even seen "praying" for sick people and "visiting" them in hospitals.

Along the way he has had many suspicious associations with foreign nationals. When confronted about this he said that he was just supporting “missionaries”.. some of these “missionaries” live in communist countries thus lending credence to the charge that Candidate Bob is a communist terrorist sympathizer.

A number of years ago Candidate Bob's cult-like beliefs caused him to quit a very high-paying position in Corporate America to take a low-paying position on his cult church’s pastoral staff. He said that "God" led him to do it.

Candidate Bob recently "retired" under a cloud of suspicion.. some people at his "church" (who didn't hear the announcement) still do not know why Bob is not on the pastoral staff.

Rumors abound as to how he now pays his bills.. some believe that communist terrorists are now supporting him.

Though Candidate Bob has never actually done anything even questionable we have to charge him guilty of being un-American and unpatriotic by reason of association and innuendo.

Anything he says will be ignored because we have already committed ourselves to his opponent.
As you can see.. this kind of investigative journalism could really ruin me. Yet I will still run hoping that many will write my name on their ballot next month. May God bless you and the United States of America.


  1. I'll bet you also believe these are the end times, too. ;-)

    This is pretty good.

  2. hmmmm.....this guy does seem a little.....shifty.... ;-)

  3. The magic of media....

    Bob, my background is just as shady..... can I be on your staff when you are predident?

  4. I would have voted for you, Bob, but after reading all that I have to bow out. I mean, its in print, it has to be true RIGHT???


  5. ROFL!
    Of course, you could be even MORE un-American and get a vote from an Australian!

  6. Bob, the mere mention of Jesus in your life is enough for the media to tear you apart.

  7. I knew it!

    Nothing good comes out of New York... er, Houston... uh, Kansas...!

  8. I will vote for you, Candidate Bob.

    wait. who are these guys in white coats and a straits jacket?

  9. And to think I almost offered you a place on my ticket. Now I'll have to come up with some negative commercials. And after I promised not to . . .

  10. My question is this, Have you ever avoided talking about these things? I think if you simply sit down explain these allegations to us, we might respect you and even vote for you.

    Or are you acting like you are hiding something by avoiding these subjects altogether?


  11. Someday, sometime I will speak at length about my experiences being tortured by Mexican terrorist bartenders in Juarez while serving with honor in the US Army.


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