kc bob: PERSPECTIVE

Showing posts with label PERSPECTIVE. Show all posts

love and time

I like this quote from Merton, a Catholic monk.
Even so. I wonder. As we all have a limited amount of time.
Is it possible to love someone and not give them a bit of your time?

I think that love and time are linked together.

We express our love by spending time.

If we love baseball we will spend our days watching it.

So how do you deem someone worthy of your time (i.e. love)?
Especially if you think of loving someone as spending time with them.
Is it possible to separate the giving of love and giving of time?

prayer and spirituality

The word “prayer” has often been trivialized by making it into a way of getting what we want. But I use “prayer” as the umbrella word for any interior journeys or practices that allow you to experience faith, hope, and love within yourself. It is not a technique for getting things, a pious exercise that somehow makes God happy, or a requirement for entry into heaven. It is much more like practicing heaven now.

Such prayer, such seeing, takes away your anxiety for figuring it all out fully for yourself, or needing to be right about your formulations. At this point, God becomes more a verb than a noun, more a process than a conclusion, more an experience than a dogma, more a personal relationship than an idea. There is Someone dancing with you, and you are not afraid of making mistakes. -Richard Rohr

perspective

Ever had really high expectations and have somewhat of a let down? Fifteen years ago my wife and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in Niagara Falls. Our hotel room overlooked the horseshoe falls on the Canadian side. Here is the view from our room.

Quite majestic. And awesome. If only I didn’t have expectations. Hype and preconceived ideas are not the best way to approach something as monumental and unique as Niagara Fall.

It is also not the best west to approach God and prayer.

I think that we often imagine God to be someone, or something, that he is not.

Before traveling east I imagined Niagara to be much different - I was sucked into my own imagination. I envisioned something much taller, much louder and frankly more majestic. At first glance, from my hotel room, I was disappointed because of my expectations of the Falls.

We can, in the same way, be disappointed with God when he does not meet our expectations. We often imagine that he will do something in one manner - then he acts, or doesn't act, in a way contrary to our thinking. And we are disappointed. We often come to God in prayer expecting Him to answer according to our imaginations. And we are disappointed when he doesn't.

After the initial letdown my wife and I journeyed closer to the Falls. A few more pictures.

Taken from the Maid of the Mist as we headed towards the Falls

The overwhelmingly breathtaking view from the Maid of the Mist.

You know, when the view changes … when the perspective or context is different … a different dynamic is at play. When I saw the falls from the boat I was able to take in the power of the falls. Up close the waters seemed more powerful. The sounds much louder. Everything seemed different.

Rainbow arching over the Falls.

Later that day we returned to our hotel room. I looked out the window and saw this image. When I saw the bow I was reminded of God’s blessings. Sometimes we can only see the blessings from afar.

I think that a different perspective often brings us to a new place of appreciation for God’s working in our lives - if we can only get past our expectations and imaginations.

listening

A Facebook conversation this morning reminded me of this thought from the bible:

"let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger"

It has been said that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.

I like what this picture quote says. 80% seems to be a good goal for us when we are having a conversation. That said, it is challenging to do when we are the more outgoing person.

I think that listening is an art form of sorts. My wife is a great listener.

In my counseling days I tried to use the phrase 'what I hear you saying' to communicate that I am listening and that I am wanting to know what the talker is actually trying to communicate.

On several occasions Jesus spoke about having ears to hear. That is a challenging thought. It speaks to me about how difficult it is to hear ideas that challenge us. The underlying thought seems to be to keep open to new ideas and different concepts.

I think that listening is a form of love. Most of us want to really be heard and when someone listens to us it shows us that they really care. I think that a side effect of listening is that it turns our focus away from ourselves. And that is a good thing. Especially for people like me. ツ

nationalism vs patriotism

Sometimes people thank me for my military service. That last word. Service. Is what I think patriotism is all about.

There are many ways to serve our country. The military is one way. Voting is certainly another way. Helping a homeless shelter or a food pantry is another way to serve our community.

From the very beginning patriots have been serving our country by putting the welfare of others before their own. This past week we celebrated independence and honored the sacrifices of patriots who served in the fight for freedom.

So be a patriot today. Find a way to serve your community. In doing so you will serve your country and show your patriotism. And remember that there is a difference between nationalism and patriotism. One is about cheering and the waving of flags. The other is about serving and helping our neighbors.

Reflections from Private Bob

Here I am a few weeks after I entered the US Army in October 1968. That day in October, when I raised my hand and became a soldier, seems so long ago. Yet it seems like yesterday. I can feel the fear of entering military service knowing that my friends John and Joey had recently died in Vietnam. I remember being drafted and knowing that I did not want to fight in Vietnam. That trip to the recruiter was deeply driven by a desire to find a path that did not include the War in Vietnam. I signed up for an extra year to serve in the US Army Air Command working on missiles with nuclear capability.

I served stateside for three years at a missile firing range in New Mexico. During my military service I grew up a lot. I learned valuable life skills - LOL, like doing my own laundry. I developed technical and interpersonal skills that would last me a lifetime. I met my first wife Ellen. I got outside of my comfort level in a major way as I learned to live away from home and my family. In the end, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not been drafted.

... reposted from November, 2014

Interpreting Donuts and Rose Bushes

“There are no facts, only interpretations.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

“One person's craziness is another person's reality.” -Tim Burton

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.” -George Carlin

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” -John Lubbock

“The optimist sees the donut, the pessimist sees the hole.” -Oscar Wilde

...originally posted February 8, 2013

The Buck Stops Here

I am thinking about President Truman, Kansas City's favorite son, and hoping that the next president will be one that, like Harry, embraces a "buck stops here" style of leadership. Lets all hope that our new president will be a leader who does not pass the buck but accepts responsibility for decisions made in his administration.

...originally posted in October, 2008

Embracing a Nonlinear Timeline

"If you could see your life from start to finish, would you change things?"

This is the question from yesterday's movie review. The query helped me to see my life from a different perspective. It enabled me to get past the chronology of past events and see my life in a nonlinear fashion. Caused me to see my past decisions in light of the bigger picture. See an image of how these decisions have shaped my life. Helped me to understand, at a macro level, that: 1) I would not really change things in my life; 2) God has worked my past for good.

It makes sense when I think about it. God created time and therefore exists outside of linear time. If we are to understand life from a heavenly perspective then it is productive to see life in a non-chronological nonlinear way. Easier said than done. Yet so important. I guess what I am saying is the sum of our lives are so much great than a sum of their parts.

By embracing this view we are given the freedom to forgive ourselves for past mistakes and release the accompanying pain. To embrace a nonlinear timeline means that we embrace the totality of our uniqueness in ways that set us free from the constraints of linear thinking. We are enabled to envision a future that is so much different than our past.

When you let go, you allow yourself to grow and heal.

This year it has become increasingly clear to me that I am only trusting God when I am letting go of control.

Marc and Angel offer some tips [here] to us on what it means to let go. They write that when you let go:

you allow yourself to make the best of what you’ve got.
you get to use your resources more effectively.
you free your mind from needless worries.
you learn more about how life really works.
you get to appreciate others for who they truly are.
you get to focus less on pleasing others, and more on just doing the best you can.
you allow yourself to grow and heal.
it gets easier to forgive yourself, and love yourself again.
you get to enjoy more of life’s pleasant surprises.
you live more gratefully (and gracefully).

You can read the rest of their post here. I like what they have to say and recommend it to you. I especially resonate with this from their post: "the root cause of most human stress is simply our stubborn propensity to hold on to things".

It is so hard to let go of control and trust God. Yet it is so necessary. Can you relate?

Presidential Checklist

My Facebook friend Duane offered up criteria for his ideal candidate. Here is his list combined with a few of my own.

The President of the United States should:

be a person of demonstrated high moral character;
support equal rights for all citizens;
have plans to strengthen the middle class of Americans;
make the path to the middle class easier for those less fortunate;
change our leadership role in the world from one of police officer to one of peace officer;
have plans to strengthen Social Security and Medicare;
have specific plans to make government more efficient;
enforce existing immigration laws and go after people who hire illegal workers;
appoint people to the Supreme Court who understand the constitution and are not politically biased;
be a leader who can bring consensus to controversial national issues.

Thanks again to Duane for the first seven on the list. Let me know what items you might add or subtract from the list.

Just Mercy

Our small group just finished reading "Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption" by Bryan Stevenson. It is a story about our broken criminal justice system. Here are a few excerpts from the book.

Proximity has taught me some basic and humbling truths, including this vital lesson: Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done. My work with the poor and the incarcerated has persuaded me that the opposite of poverty is not wealth; the opposite of poverty is justice.
...
We are all broken by something. We have all hurt someone and have been hurt. We all share the condition of brokenness even if our brokenness is not equivalent. I desperately wanted mercy for Jimmy Dill and would have done anything to create justice for him, but I couldn’t pretend that his struggle was disconnected from my own. The ways in which I have been hurt—and have hurt others—are different from the ways Jimmy Dill suffered and caused suffering. But our shared brokenness connected us.
...
We are all implicated when we allow other people to be mistreated. An absence of compassion can corrupt the decency of a community, a state, a nation. Fear and anger can make us vindictive and abusive, unjust and unfair, until we all suffer from the absence of mercy and we condemn ourselves as much as we victimize others.
...
There is a strength, a power even, in understanding brokenness, because embracing our brokenness creates a need and desire for mercy, and perhaps a corresponding need to show mercy. When you experience mercy, you learn things that are hard to learn otherwise. You see things you can't otherwise see; you hear things you can't otherwise hear. You begin to recognize the humanity that resides in each of us.
...
The power of just mercy is that it belongs to the undeserving. It’s when mercy is least expected that it’s most potent—strong enough to break the cycle of victimization and victimhood, retribution and suffering. It has the power to heal the psychic harm and injuries that lead to aggression and violence, abuse of power, mass incarceration.
...
The true measure of our character is how we treat the poor, the disfavored, the accused, the incarcerated, and the condemned.
...
Mercy is most empowering, liberating, and transformative when it is directed at the undeserving. The people who haven’t earned it, who haven’t even sought it, are the most meaningful recipients of our compassion.

This book is heartbreaking and troubling. It is an essential read for all who love mercy and desire justice.

But it felt like humiliation ...

The past six weeks have been replete with sorting, eliminating, packing and moving our stuff as Ann and I downsized from our home in the suburbs to our loft in downtown Kansas City. Along the way I have had two awkward experiences..

Several weeks back one of my neighbors offered himself and his truck to move a few pieces of furniture to my daughter's place. I gladly took him up on the offer. After we repositioned a piece of furniture in his truck I felt a twinge in my back as I was standing up.. within a few moments I was looking for the Tylenol (extra strength of course).. my back was in pain. Nevertheless macho Bob was pressing on until Mike (who is 69 years old) looked at me and said: "You need to just let me handle the rest of this". Ouch.. more than my back was now bruised.. it was humbling.. but it felt like humiliation.

My back has done pretty well since then.. a bit sore at times but nothing like that Sunday.. until Friday night that is.. and of course ..

Saturday morning I had a time set up to move a few things around with a guy at my storage unit in the basement/garage of my new place. I tried to contact him ahead of time to tell him about my back woes but could not reach him. When I met him at 10 yesterday morning I explained about my back to which he immediately told me that he would take care of it.. and he proceeded to go about doing all of the heavy lifting.. and I was very thankful.. albeit a bit humbled again.. not sure that he was older.. we were probably close in age.. either way it did not feel that I was humbling myself.. it felt like humiliation.. it is hard to stand by and watch a stranger (albeit a great one) do something for you when you planned on doing it yourself.

I think these are pretty common scenarios in the world of humility.. what we want is something that makes us feel good about humbling ourselves when in fact the things that make us feel good are probably more about stroking our ego than humility. Got to wonder if humiliation is the way that humility should feel.. to some degree anyway.. after all.. when the ego/pride in us dies it should probably hurt a bit. And like I often say.. in the spiritual life humility is simply not an option.. we either humble ourselves or someone will do it for us. ツ

...originally posted in July 2010.

Reality Trip

I sometimes think of myself as a pragmatic realist. And, to a large that degree that is true. Yet there is a part of me that loves to take on windmills ala Don Quixote. Dream the Impossible Dream. What I have found is that truth lies someplace in between reality and world of dreams. If we focus too much on either we can become cynics or space cadets.

Perhaps the best way to pursue our dreams is to first know who we are. What gives us joy and what things are pure drudgery. We are then able to dream with our feet planted in the pure reality of who we are and what we want. On the flipside, dreaming does require embracing a different reality. Difficult but not as painful as charging at windmills. ツ

Stop Caring About the Wrong Things

Responded to a FB friend's post this morning by saying: "I sometimes thing of resting as not caring about things outside of my control. Which is pretty much everything." Got me to thinking how I often care too much about things that I have no control over. In a real sense that is what worry is all about. It is not about caring but about caring about the wrong things. In truth we have no control over many things. People sometimes act stupid. Sickness and disease blindside us. Floods and tornadoes happen. Better to not care about things that we have no control over.

The Reality of You

Saw this on Facebook this morning. Made me think. Think about how much I love the idea of unconditionally loving "You" but struggle with the reality of that idea. Perhaps, as the image indicates, it is all about maturity. I do seem to be more accepting of "You" than I once did but often struggle with the reality of you.

Can you relate to this struggle of loving in general and loving in specific? How do you deal with loving the reality of you? Do you find ways to embrace the imperfection in others or simply close your eyes to them? I have no answers but know that I often struggle with the reality of unconditionally loving "You".

Control, Fear and Love

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.To love is to be vulnerable. -CS Lewis

I read this quote over at the Mockingbird blog in a post that says: Control Is Just an Illusion, But Love Casts Out Fear.
I highly recommend the post to you. Here are a few clips from it.

"The root of the desire for control is fear. And fear in this world is not without cause.

My own usual response to fear is to put a lot of energy into creating an airtight system that eliminates risk. But this is not without cost. Go too far with this sort of thing and you will find yourself desiring secrecy even when there’s no need for it. You’ll want to check things all the time and make sure all is well. You’ll suppress emotion, because emotion must be regulated by reason in order for the system to function, and then when it’s time for emotion to have its say, you won’t be able to find it."

I can so relate to the idea of fear motivating a desire to be in control but I never thought about how it could squelch the expression of love. When we experience bad things we sometimes (especially if we have a predisposition to do it) use control to manage the pain and provide us with a temporary sense of peace. The denial stage of grieving is like that. But, like denial, control can be bad when we allow it to dominate our lives. To really love, and to really live, requires us to let go of control. I end by sharing the ending from the Mockingbird post:

"Maybe it’s just recognizing that the supreme level of control sought by those of us of “freak” status is just an illusion anyway. Terrible things will happen, despite your best efforts to secure yourself against all shock and alarm. You will be blindsided–if not by the thing you’re guarding against, then by something else. That’s what “blindsided” means: you don’t see it coming. And the energy you’re spending on maintaining a defensive system would be better spent on loving the people around you before they’re taken, which they most certainly will be at some point unless you’re taken from them first. Yes, it’s risky. But it’s worth it. They’re worth it. They’re worth the fear and discomfort and uncertainty and vulnerability–wonderfully worth all this and more."

Retired Fridays

When you are retired, Fridays ...

are pretty much like every other day,
remind you that the weekend is not that special,
make you get out and shop before the crowds show up,
keep you away from the date-night restaurants,
confront you with the fact that you are retired.

Any retired folks out there with something to add to the list?

Top Ten Historical Figures

Ever wonder if those Wikipedia pages we occasionally peruse really matter? Steve Skiena and Charles Ward think that they do. These guys used quantitative analysis to rank and compare historical reputations. They evaluated each person by aggregating the traces of millions of opinions, just as Google ranks webpages, and came up with this list.

Looking at their top ten, I find it interesting that the list includes famous and infamous types. Causes me to ponder which folks have impacted history the most. Seeing Shakespeare in the number three spot helps me to remember that often the pen is mightier than the sword. Seeing Aristotle in the ranks of political leaders reminds me that great thoughts and ideas are powerful. Lastly, the rankings of Jesus and Muhammad communicate to us about the influence of spiritual leaders on planet earth. What do you think of the list? Do you agree with the rankings? Would you replace anyone?

Listening to Reply

I do not like the sentiment in this image because I am always listening to reply. I am always wanting to debate with my teammates. I am so insecure about my views that I need to reinforce them by constantly speaking about them.

In contrast, I so want to be a man that listens. I want to be a person who can learn from the life lessons that others can teach me. I want to be one who listens not only with my ears but with my heart. Even to folks that I disagree with.

I pray that we all may have ears to really hear - and listen to understand!

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