Translating Religious Cliches

God said it, I believe it, that settles it! => I don't want to talk about it!

God is still on the throne! => I really don't know what to say!

Praise the Lord! => I am uncomfortable with awkward silence!

I'll pray about it! => Go away!

Let's pray! => I am uncomfortable discussing this subject!

God loves you and so do I! => I watch Hour of Power!

What would Jesus do? => I don't know what to do.

The Lord told me! => I am afraid to say what I really think!

God has no grandchildren! => I want my kids to know Him!

In Jesus name! => Amen!

Feel free to add to the list - including the translation J


  1. Hilarious! Did you make those up? I can't wait to try out a few (with the translation muttered under the breath right after) just for religious laughs.

    But you forgot such an obvious one:

    Bless her heart! => I don't like her!

  2. OOOO...I love these!
    How 'bout:

    Great to see ya', bro => I can't remember your name

    I'm so convicted => Regarding this issue, BACK OFF!!!

    How're you doing with the Lord => let's talk about you and not me

    Have you sought advice => I disagree with that entirely

    (preacher, from pulpit) Our full-time folks really deserve our appreciation => I could really go for a homemade pie right now

    The Scriptures are kinda gray on that => I don't want to admit what the Bible says

    Who do you think is going to win the election => Let's not talk spiritual right now because I need to repent of some things first


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