Vote for My New Answering Machine Message

A few suggestions from this funny site.. please vote for one of these messages and I might change my message.. if my wife gives me permission.
  1. Hello. I'm Bob's answering machine.
    What are you?
  2. Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?
  3. Hi, this is Bob. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
  4. I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person. 
  5. You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
  6. Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
  7. You have reached 555-5555. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work. 
  8. Thank you for calling 555-5555. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.
  9. The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
  10. You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me.
Please vote on one of these, the other 80 messages here or suggest one of your own.


  1. This was my answering machine machine for quite some time:

    You have the right to remain silent and refuse to leave any annoying message.
    Anything you do say may be recorded in this voicemail and used against you in a return phone call Do you understand?

    You have the right to consult a dictionary, thesarsus, book on grammar before speaking to this recorder and to have an assistant present as you leave your message now or in the future.

    If you cannot afford a message, one will be appointed for you before you need to leave a message if you wish. Do you understand?

    If you decide to leave a message now without an assitant you will still have the right to stop leaveing a message at any time until you know why you called and what you want to say.

    Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you still willing to leave a message without an assistant present?

  2. I like number 10 the most, but the first one is a close second.

  3. Don't know if it's on that list or not, but I like "Hello?" followed by silence until it beeps.

  4. I like #4. Totally cool!! :-)

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  6. Rather fond of this one, Bob.........

    No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    Call me anything you want, but remember to call me for dinner! ;D

  7. Hi! I'm not here right now. Actually, that's brings up an interesting question: Are any of us really here? I mean, what does "here" mean?

    I figure by then, they'll probably give up.

  8. I once had a message that went like this: "Hello sorry, can't hear you, can you speak up? a little louder? it might be the line; can you hang up and try again?


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