Does Time Heal All Wounds?

The title of this blog post,"Does Time Heal All Wounds?", from The Center for Grief Recovery, caught my attention. Here are a few thoughts from the piece:

• We can all look back at certain hard or painful situations in life and laugh now about them. But the main point is time is just a concept we use to measure minutes, days, hours, months, years. Time is not a healer. The passage of time may take the edge off of acute pain, but it does not heal pain.
• On the other hand, time can be used well for healing purposes. When time is used well, in terms of healing wounds, then it is because we do something specific with and within it. We take time and shape it in order to do inner work. It is inner work coupled with courage and honesty that heals all wounds

I suggest that you take a few minutes and read the whole post if you are interested in a brief treatment of the nature of grief and inner healing.

On a personal level I have found sharing and writing to be a vehicle for grieving. When my first wife Ellen passed away I joined a grief recovery group. This group provided me an outlet for my pain and a place to share with others who were also grieving. On the first night me met the leader of the group told us that we would either step into our pain or we would walk around it for a long time. Grieving is hard but necessary work.

After the group was over I began a long process of writing my thoughts down in a short ten chapter booklet I called "An Eye for Redemption". In it I walked through the grieving process I saw in the biblical book of Job and I related it to my life experiences. The experience of writing and sharing my pain was very healing.. I can remember crying at times as I would write.. there seemed to be a deep level of inner healing taking place.

It was from this writing experience that my first blog was born.. and of course I called it An Eye for Redemption. On it I have tried to share about the redemptive power of God in the midst of our pain and how He has used pain to shape me in amazing ways. I do not write there as much as I used to but feel free to browse the archives for my writings on varied topics.

In retrospect I have to say that time may not heal all wounds but time is definitely needed to do the difficult things that heal those wounds. What activities and resources have you found helpful in dealing with grief, pain and the healing of wounds?

Political Free Agency

The subtitle of this book "The Future of Working for Yourself" creates a different image of work than the one I had when I worked at Ma Bell for 27 years. My image changed though when I retired in 1998 and worked as a consultant (i.e. for myself) for the following seven years. For the first time I felt both the insecurity and the freedom that comes from a self-employment of sorts.

Recently heard someone describe the anti-incumbent primary winners as "free agents". I am not sure what he meant by that.

It did get me to pondering what it means to be a "free agent". Here is one definition:

In professional sports, a free agent is a player whose contract with a team has expired and who is thus eligible to sign with another club or franchise.

In that vein their are several types of free agents:

1. Unrestricted free agent: Player without a team.
   
2. Restricted free agent: Player is free to solicit offers from other teams but their team can keep them by matching an offer.
3. Undrafted free agent: Player eligible for the Draft but not selected.

So I am wondering how these types of free agents would map to our current cadre of political candidates. Seems that most of these agents might fit into #2.. they might say that they are free but, in reality, they are indebted to some "party" - GOP, DEM or TEA. Some of these candidates fit into the third category.. they are untested and their allegiances are unknown.. they might be dangerous in a political sense.

Yet I do think that there are some that truly fit into #1.. truly independent people who will stay true to themselves and their constituencies. Granted, in this day where a lot of money is needed to get elected, it does seem that no candidate is a true free agent. To get elected these days one needs support from all sorts of special interests. Maybe no one is a true free agent? What do you think?

Digital Lynch Mob

This morning I heard this term, "Digital Lynch Mob", from a political TV pundit. It got me to wondering where it came from.. so I googled it and found this 2006 Washington Post op-ed piece with the same name. In it columnist Richard Cohen bemoans the thousand of emails he gets when he writes on something that folks disagree with. Here is a clip from him:

It seemed that most of my correspondents had been egged on to write me by various blogs. In response, they smartly assembled into a digital lynch mob and went roaring after me. If I did not like Colbert, I must like Bush. If I write for The Post, I must be a mainstream media warmonger. If I was over a certain age -- which I am -- I am simply out of it, wherever "it" may be. All in all, I was -- I am, and I guess I remain -- the worthy object of ignorant, false and downright idiotic vituperation.

Sadly I think that most of us have been part of one of these mobs. I know that I sometimes have written some ignorant stuff here on my blog and have been corrected by nice people in the comments section. This stuff reminds me of this Pierre Beaumarchais quote that I recently posted on Facebook:

"It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them."

Such is the dilemma that we bloggers face: Do we, like some investigative reporters, spend days researching issues then publish our thoughts when they are ready for prime time? Or do we, in a conversational mode, present our views and solicit ideas from others in the Blogosphere? I tend to do the latter.

Even though I understand it I do not like the term "Digital Lynch Mob" because of the picture it paints of the Blogosphere.. and granted I do not spend great amounts of time reading political blogs like Politico or Huffington Post.. the little I have read in places like those I don't see a much of a mob mentality.

Maybe the real mob mentality is more about those viral email messages that regularly show up in our email in-boxes. It does seem that these folks are not interested in dialog. Seems like I never hear from most that I reply to with a counter-view.. and any reference to Snopes.com is pretty much ignored.. and yes I have read the stuff about the Snopes bias.. I also use TruthOrFiction.com.

What comes to your mind when you hear the term "Digital Lynch Mob"? Emails? Blogs?

Another Health Insurance Horror Story

I think that this note, from a gal in a NMO online group that Ann and I belong to, accurately describes the what happens when health insurance companies run the show:

My insurance initially denied my first rituxan treatment (despite verbally confirming they WOULD pay). I went without rituxan for 3 years after that and I feel it was the biggest mistake I have made. My neuro did not advocate for me and I (stupidly) did not advocate for him to advocate for me (does that make sense?). Finally, after a really bad episode that landed me paralyzed from waist down, I decided to fight.

I asked my neuro to write a pointed and explicit letter detailing why I needed the drug and what would happen if I didn't get it, I wrote a letter detailing the same thing and how I had run out of options, I gathered info papers on NMO from the web (from doctors with respected credentials) showing that rituxan is effective for treatment of NMO, and my husband contacted the insurance liason from his company who acted as an advocate between us and the insurance company.

Believe me, I was ready to go to court-- that is how strongly I felt about it. Fortunately, they approved the request right away after receiving all that info. Please don't give up too soon. I just wish I hadn't--it has cost me a lot of mobility.

BTW, the insurance companies do not pay $20K for the infusions (that's what they want you to pay). The insurance companies negotiate a rate that is much less than that (still more than you would want/be able to pay). In my case, the rituxan (that they wouldn't pay for) was actually cheaper than the IVIG treatments they would pay for. Now doesn't that make sense?

A few lessons that we can glean from her experience:

1. Insurance companies do not have our best interests in mind.
2. We are responsible for our own treatment.
3. Doctors are often reactive and not proactive with insurance.
4. Bad stuff can happen if we cede treatment options to insurance companies.
5. We need to vigorously fight claim denials.
6. Computer programs routinely reject claims based on inaccurate information.
7. Share information with other people.. it may really help.

I hope that things will get better after some of the new health care reforms are actualized but I think that these lessons may be even more important in the future.

Do you have any insurance company stories? Ever been denied coverage?

eGrandPrix: Electric Motorcycle Racing

According to this ZDNet article describing a different kind of race:

The eGrandPrix is open to any zero-carbon-emissions motorcycle including other alternative power sources such as hydrogen or solar. So far, though, the entries in the circuit have only been electric bikes.
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Durng the 11-lap race at Infineon Raceway, most of the electric bikes will hit top speeds of around 100 mph.
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One of the main challenges in electric motorcycle racing, says driver John Wild, is stuffing enough battery power into the bike frame. The frames that most teams are using were designed for traditional bikes, and fitting in all the batteries while maintaining proper weight distribution and aerodynamics can be challenging.

I kind of understand how manufacturers can throw a bunch of batteries in a car and somehow get it to work. I am not seeing batteries on these motorcycles though. Must be a whole different kind of battery.. maybe a bunch of D cells.. nobody uses them for flashlights anymore. I wonder if these bikes will be sold for street use?

Don't Judge My Misplaced Words & Personal Failings!

Does it ever surprise anyone these days when a politician lies or cheats? There are a few examples in the news this week of politicians who seem to have been caught lying and cheating.

Consider recent democratic primary winner Connecticut attorney general Richard Blumenthal who once told crowds that he served in Vietnam and was on the Harvard swim team. As it turns out he did neither and confessed:

"On a few occasions, I have misspoken about my service and I regret that. I take full responsibility."
...
"But I will not allow anyone to take a few misplaced words and impugn my record of service to our country."

Also consider "family values" republican congressman from Indiana, Mark Souder, who had an affair (I think we used to call it adultery) with a part time member of his staff and resigned from congress. He offered these words:

"I wish I could have been a better example. I sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff."
...
"In the poisonous environment of Washington D.C., any personal failing is seized upon, often twisted, for political gain. I am resigning rather than to put my family through the painful, drawn-out process."

Did you notice the similarities in these "apologies"? There seems to be an admission of guilt followed by a "don't judge me" attitude. Well.. I am not one to judge.. but I do wonder if either one of these guys is really sorry about what they did or just sorry they got caught.

I now remove my judicial robe and yield the bench to you. How judge ye?

Lessons from an Eccentric TV Doctor

One of my favorite TV characters is Gregory House.. that doctor genius played impeccably by Hugh Laurie. This season ended last night with another great installment.. the whole season has been about House's efforts to stay clean from a prescription drug addiction.. the season opener was a compelling story about a man in pain getting free from the grip of drugs. These past few weeks have been replete with observations about this past season of getting free.. here are a few of House's recent observations:

• "I followed all of the rules and I am not happy." - House tells his counselor that he is done with their meetings.. after months of therapy he feels no better than he did when they began. Man, can I ever relate to this one.  It reminds me that life is not about following rules and sometimes getting healthy involves some tough living. I think that happiness is seldom found when it is the object of our search.
• "I did everything right and she still died." - House is devastated.. he cared.. he used all of his medical genius to save an innocent victim.. and she died. Again, I can so relate. Reminded me of how I prayed for my first wife for years hoping and believing that she would be healed.. but she died. Life is not a formula.. religious or otherwise.. life is something that confounds the rules.. bad stuff happens even when we do everything right.. even when we believe and pray.

In the end Doctor House is faced with a tough decision.. he is in physical pain.. he has stayed free of that nasty Vicodin all year.. he is hurting.. he feels stuck.. he is ready to chuck it all and go back to a life of addiction.. and out of nowhere love wins the day - something else that I can personally relate to.

i-Fairy Pastor

Do you ever wonder where our high-tech world is heading? Look no farther than this Reuters article titled "I do" goes high-tech with Japan robot priest.. it may be just the ticket for those folks that are unhappy with the "institutional" church. Consider these outtakes from the article:

The groom looked dashing, his bride resplendent in white, but all eyes in this Japanese wedding were on the priest, a four-foot tall robot with colorful, flashing eyes called i-Fairy.

The robot is usually used in museum and exhibitions to direct visitors, but with the help of a flower headpiece, and a new programme, it pronounced Satoko Inoue and Tomohiro Shibata man and wife at a Sunday ceremony.
...
The bride, Inoue, works for the company that makes the i-Fairy, and her husband, Shibata, is a client.

"It's true that robots are what caused us to first begin going out, and as suggested by my wife, we decided that we wanted to try this sort of wedding," Shibata said after making his vows.

After saying "I do," the bride said that she wanted to use her wedding to show people that robots can easily fit into their daily lives.

"I always felt that robots would become more integrated into people's everyday lives. This cute robot is part of my company, I decided that I would love to have it at my ceremony," Inoue said.

I have to say that this is just plain weird.. first because Japan allowed the i-Fairy to officiate the wedding and secondly (and more importantly) that the couple wanted it to.

As a person who has done a bit of premarital counseling I believe that marriage is something not to be taken likely. I do hope that this couple somehow found a way to involve people in their marital preparations.. and I do hope that they will not one day need an i-Fairy lawyer.

Boomer Narcissism

Don't you just hate that image on the right.. it just shouts to me.. not that I am giving up my Facebook account. Reminds me of a conversation I had last week about our culture and Baby Boomers. I began reflecting on how different my generation seemed to that of my parents.. Boomers just seem so much more narcissistic.. in case you are wondering what the term means here is a definition:

"narcissism: an inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity."

When I think about the differences with my parents generation I think of the word sacrifice - it seems that living through the depression created an environment where sacrifice and care for others was a bit more prevalent. When Japan attacked Pearl Harbor men of all ages sacrificed their lives and safety to defend our nation. One the flip-side most Boomers had to be drafted into military service during the Vietnam War.. not that I am making a direct correlation between those two wars.. just seemed to be a different prevailing attitude.

Even faith and church life seems to be different for Boomers and their parents. In the 70s the message seemed to be all about "my" "personal" relationship to God.. even today their seems to be somewhat of an unhealthy narcissistic focus on church and religious community.. most of the donations seem to fund buildings and salaries with very little going to real charitable stuff.. but maybe that is the way that it has always been?

I am not sure why but I think that maybe even the type of government we have is a reflection of this narcissistic bent.. it seems that, for some anyway, we are all about keeping what we have and making sure the government doesn't spend too much money on welfare programs. It reminds me of something I heard once about the three ideological C's:

• Communism: What's yours is mine.
• Capitalism: What's mine is mine.
• Christianity: What's mine is yours.

While some believe that our government is trending to that first communistic "C" I think that most Christian Boomers embrace that second capitalistic "C" rather than the Christian "C". And yes, I agree that the church could better care for poor than the government.. if the church was not a part of this boomer narcissism.. but it is a part of it and therefore building and salaries still seem to trump caring for the poor.

Not sure what I really wanted to say here.. feel I have rambled a bit.. guess I just wanted to reflect a bit and process this stuff. I think that narcissism is an unhealthy issue that our culture is dealing with but I do not have any answers.. seems that it is so widespread.. and I have no clue about where it will take us or how much more narcissistic the next generations will become.. hopefully future generations will buck the narcissism trend.

What do you think? Do you think narcissism is a problem? Any solutions?

Ten Random Answers about Me

My friend Barbara posted a meme yesterday on her blog. Thought that I might do the same one.. been a while since I did one of these.. here goes:

1. What would your perfect day consist of? Being with my wife Ann; beginning with a stroll close to the beach; continuing with an afternoon with friends; and ending with a quiet meal at a place on the ocean at dusk.
2. How would you describe yourself if you were an article of clothing? A pair of jean shorts.. a bit revealing in a comfortable way - but not all that transparent.
3. What hobbies are you currently working on? Blogging - what else.
4. Walking in the woods in wellies or barefoot on the beach? Anyplace close to the ocean.
5. Have you ever hugged or sang to a tree? No but I have taken a chainsaw to a few - gotta keep that fireplace going.
6. Growing your own veggies or nipping to the supermarket? No contest there - I am a city guy but my wife used to grow stuff.
7. Have you found anyone exciting in your family tree? My first wife told me she was a descendant of General Robert E. Lee but I kind of doubted her.
8. Slap up meal in a posh restaurant or fish 'n' chips from the wrapper? Depends on the mood - but I am generally always up for pizza.
9. Which element do you most resonate with: Earth, Air, Fire or Water? Love long hot showers and time in a hot tub.
10. Do you believe in fairies? No - but I do believe in angels.

I invite you to enter your answers in the comments or on your blog.. tell me if you do.

Listening to Your Emotions

This interesting ten minute video features Dr. Matthew Elliott talking about his book, "Feel: The Power of Listening to Your Heart." I like the focus in the video on listening to and not following our emotions.. I use emotions and not "heart" because I think that it is a clearer term. Here are a few clips from Dr. Elliott's post on the Jesus Creed blog:

I was with a woman this morning who lost her son to tragedy three years ago. This intense, strong, vibrant follower of Jesus told me that she had almost left the church because people spoke theology and empty Christian platitudes to her instead of feeling and weeping with her. It was terribly empty. She found comfort from those who would share her pain. That is the way God made us.
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We think our job is to control our feelings and in our church culture we are uncomfortable when people feel deeply. In our desire to distance ourselves from feelings, we do great damage to souls and our own ability to feel love and compassion.
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Sometimes we get so caught up in the doing we forget that, to God, the core issue is the state of our hearts. Feelings have much to say about the true state of our hearts, that is why they are so prominent is Scripture
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Our most powerful witness is often not what we say but how others see we feel our faith. The world is not asking us for perfect answers and ultimate logic. What people are asking Christians is: "Do you love me? Does the life you say you have in Christ bring you the joy and hope I want in my life? Can I see it on your face?"

I like how he says we must listen to our emotions but not follow them. The imagery of "feeling and weeping" with someone is one that many feel so uncomfortable with. In a sense I think that feeling another's pain is a way that we can love them. I have often cried with others and have had folks cry with me - in each case I have felt a bit more whole.. a bit more human.. a bit more loved.. a bit more connected to God.

I think that people need us on many levels.. my hope is that each of us will be open to loving others in this compassionate way.. and not afraid of being labelled as an emotional person.. like that is a bad thing.

First Lady Popularity - not like their husbands

Consider the results of my two recent polls and how differently people feel about our recent presidents and their wives:

Firstly, I have to say that I have extended the sidebar First Lady voting a few days so please vote away if you have not already. I would love to see if the trend is different with a few more ballots cast. Here are a few questions I had as I watched the votes come in:

• How can Ronald Reagan be so popular and Nancy not?
• How can Laura Bush be so popular and her husband not?
• Is Hillary Clinton still as unpopular as she was in the 90s?
• Is the role of the First Lady that important to people?

Sometimes I want to return to the days of Camelot when the Kennedys lived in the White House and first lady Jackie wowed everybody. I was a young teen back then and the White House seemed to be such a magical place. Alas, those days are long gone and images of the cynical Watergate days still seem to occasionally overshadow Washington.

I am interested in your thoughts about the role of the First Lady. When you think about past first wives do you think that they have been an asset or liability to their husbands?

Conspiracy Theories

Once a month I get together with some great guys at something we call Colloquy.. a term that is from the Latin word colloquium and is defined as "discussion" or "conversation". Last night we began by talking about conspiracy theories. One guy began by saying that he is a died in the wool "birther" and doesn't believe that our president was born in Hawaii.. and yes, these folks do exist.. and no, I am not one of them. Our discussion got me to thinking about some of the other theories that have floated around out there.. here are a few:

• New World Order: I have been around this one for a long time. It comes from some passages from the biblical book of Revelation and is wrapped around the idea that the whole earth will one day be ruled by an Antichrist figure. The theory is replete with current day rumors about the Illuminati, Trilateral Commission and the Council on Foreign Affairs. I guess only time will tell.
• JFK Assassination: Central to this theory is the claim that the injuries received by President Kennedy and Governor Connally could not have been caused by a lone gunman behind the motorcade and to the right. See Oliver Stone for more details.
• Skull & Bones: This Yale University fraternity is often thought of as being a secret society producing many financial and political leaders who have control or seek to gain control of the world. See Presidents Bush and Senator Kerry for more info.
• UFOs and Area 51: The popular X-Files TV show was based in part on this whole idea that extraterrestrials exist and are in cahoots with powerful humans to dominate the world. Ask me about my trip to Saturn some time.
• Apollo Moon Landings: This theory purports that man did not walk on the moon but these flights were "staged" in a Hollywood movie or other studio because they never happened. I think Buzz Aldrin might have been a bit buzzed in 1969.
• Elvis Sightings: This one is probably my favorite. Since his death in 1977 several theories have developed suggesting that the King is still alive. I think that he probably stole President Obama's birth certificate.

Do you have a favorite conspiracy theory? Care to share it?

GOP YouCut: Move over American Idol

A friend forwarded me an email about a new idea that Eric Cantor, GOP congressman and minority whip, has about how our government should operate. Here is Cantor's introduction to the program from his website:

YouCut – a first-of-its-kind project - is designed to defeat the permissive culture of runaway spending in Congress. It allows you to vote, both online and on your cell phone, on spending cuts that you want to see the House enact. Vote on this page today for your priorities and together we can begin to change Washington's culture of spending into a culture of savings.

Al this program needs is Ryan Seacrest to announce the voting results once a week on live national TV. Here are a few of the things that Congressman Cantor wants us to vote on:

• Presidential Election Fund to save $260 million over 5 years
  
• Taxpayer Subsidized Union Activities to save $600 million over 5 years
  
• HUD Program for Doctoral Dissertations to save $1 million over 5 years
• New Non-Reformed Welfare Program to save $2.5 billion a year
  
• Eliminate Wealthier Communities from CDBG to save $2.6 billion over five years
  

The idea is to vote on these online or from your phone and Congressman Cantor will give us new things to vote on next week. His website reduces these intricate issues down to one paragraph so that we, the great uninformed, have everything we need to vote.

I have to say that this is a weird idea.. at least on American Idol we get to hear all the contestants sing before we vote. On these issues all we get is a partisan view of the issues.. no pros or cons.. no middle ground positions.. no compromise. Just a silly website that is designed to placate fiscal conservatives. It seems like a bit of a weird joke to me.

The bills that typically go through congress are more than a paragraph.. they are studied by smart people.. they are evaluated for their benefits to our country and our citizens. Crazy to think that someone thinks that we should reduce them to a paragraph and "let the people vote" on them using limited information.

I may not really understand what Congressman Cantor wants or how he plans to use this information.. or if he no longer believes in a representative style of government. It just seems silly to me to have people texting yeas or nays ala American Idol.. unless he is asking us if we want to cut the salaries of congress.

What do you think? Is this a good idea? Will you text your vote today?