A few thoughts that I recently shared with a friend ...
It has been hard for me to discern and develop my own inner voice. Here are a few thoughts about my journey:
- Acknowledging the existence of my beautiful inner heart/self/voice seemed to be the starting point. Getting past the idea that my heart was actually trustable and not desperately wicked was a good start.
- Trying to figure out why I have done, or am doing, things is sometimes hard but necessary. My big discovery was that I did a lot of things because I was a rules follower. I still love rules and principles but now understand a tad more about how impotent and limiting they can be.
- Focusing on becoming more loving seems to sometimes identify the battle between head and heart. I am always aware about how much fear is a part of my journey. Even today I struggle with the future because I am fearful of future health problems for Ann and me.
- Being open to change has been really been hard for me. I retired at 49 from a job that I loved. A few years later I left a ministry position that I did not want to leave. Each time I tried to lean into the still small voice of my inner self. In each case I was glad that I did.
- In my early years I really judged myself harshly. I had grace for everybody but me. Being comfortable in my own skin and owning who I am seems like a cliche but it took a long time for me to get there.
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