When they are not sorry ...

Most of us can relate to the idea of forgiving a person who repents of their wrongdoing. Some of us can even forgive when a person offers a halfhearted apology. But it takes a rare person to forgive when an apology is not offered and the person does not appear to be sorry. Following is the advice that I recently gave a person who was faced with the decision to forgive the unforgivable.

Think of forgiving as an act of releasing the control that a person or their acts has over your life. It is not about saying that what they did is okay (because it was not) but about saying that we will no longer be greatly influenced by them or what they did. And, in the end, forgiveness empowers "us" for the future.


  1. That little paragraph exactly expresses the value of forgiveness. This may sound self-serving, but forgiveness is more for the offended than for the offender. Release is exactly what it is all about.l Some people carry so much luggage, it is a wonder they don't have to hire a full-time porter to drag it around for them. Oh, there's an idea: alternative to forgiveness. You be mad at him for me.

    1. I love how forgiveness is so multifaceted vanilla. It has the power to heal us and our relationships.


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