Friends that Refresh

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Yesterday we said goodbye to our friend Mary Jo as she boarded her plane back to Michigan.. it was hard to say goodbye. Mary Jo is one of my wife's oldest and dearest friends. They met at St Mary College in Leavenworth, Kansas when they shared a dorm room. A few weeks ago when I heard that she was coming a smile crossed my face. A bit of my stress was relieved. Mary Jo is a friend that refreshes. The last time we moved she was also with us for a week. Her presence was such an uplifting one. We were so blessed to have her with us this past week. Her help with our house move was invaluable. Yet even more valuable was her encouraging presence.

Mary Jo reminds me of a friend that I have known for over 30 years - his name is Ollie. We became friends in the late 70s when he lived in the Kansas City area. He and I enjoyed such great fellowship back then. Ollie moved out of the area in the 80s. He came back into town for a few years. Then moved again. He currently lives in Texas. Ollie has always been an absolute joy to be around. In 1994 I found myself heartbroken and devastated when my wife died. Ollie flew in from Ohio to sing at her funeral - when I saw him my heart was refreshed. It was as if God has sent an angel my way telling me that things would be okay. Ollie came back into town the following year to sing at my wedding. I had lunch with him last month when he was in KC - his friendship still refreshes me.

I get a bit choked up thinking about how these friends have refreshed and blessed my life.. they are truly gifts from the Lord. Can you relate to having friends like Mary Jo and Ollie? Shakespeare said it best when he penned these words:

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend, All losses are restored and sorrows end.

There is simply something wonderful about friends that refresh! Can you relate?

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... originally posted in July 2010

Facebook Friendships

Yesterday's Reuters article titled How to decline Facebook friends without offence got me to thinking about the whole "friend" thing.. I seem to have been processing for a long time.. wondering if the idea of a "friend" is a mainly seasonal thing or something greater.. consider this excerpt from the Reuters piece:

"Can I be your friend?" might work as an ice-breaker among small children, but it's not a question you hear often between adults, at least not outside of Las Vegas.

Friendship, it is generally understood, is a relationship that evolves through shared interests, common experiences and a primeval need to share your neighbor's power tools.

Yet for many people, Facebook permits a return to the simplicity of the schoolyard.

Rather than inviting someone to be our Facebook friend only after we've become friends in the real world, many of us are using Facebook as a short-cut around all that time-consuming relationship building.

Looking back I think that I have had many Facebook Friends in my life.. work friends.. church friends.. neighborhood friends.. relationships built around situational proximity and common interests that never went deep.. never got past the Facebook stage.. but I have other friendships.. not many for sure.. that went past the Facebook stage.. went deep.. were vulnerable.. evidenced transparency.. embraced honesty.. so encouraging.

So I am wondering today if Facebook friendship is the overwhelming norm or if you have found more in your life? I have to admit that I have found but few people in my life that I can bear my soul to.. not that I am opposed to sharing with more.. just seems that I have not found many who want to go deep.

What has been your experience in this area? I would love to hear your thoughts!

The Essence of an Apology

A Facebook friend recommended this link dealing with the different ways that people apologize as listed in the book pictured below. Here is the list in brief:

“Expressing Regret” is the Apology Language that zeroes in on emotional hurt. It is an admission of guilt and shame for causing pain to another person.

Accept Responsibility: It is very difficult for some people to admit that they’re wrong. It makes them doubt their self-worth, and no one likes to be portrayed as a failure. However, as adults, we must all admit that we are sinners and that we will make mistakes.

Make Restitution: In our society, many people believe that wrong acts demand justice. The one who commits the crime should pay for their wrongdoing.

Genuinely Repent: For some individuals, repentance is the convincing factor in an apology. Some mates will doubt the sincerity of an apology if it is not accompanied by their partner’s desire to modify their behavior to avoid 
the situation in the future.

Request Forgiveness: In some relationships, a mate wants to hear their partner physically ask for forgiveness. They want assurance that their mate recognizes the need for forgiveness.

I liked this list.. you can check out more of it here. I can see myself in several of those apology explanations.. I tend to be a show-me-you-really-mean-it kind of guy.. although I am a soft-touch for an emotional apology. How about you? Do you resonate with any of these?