Showing posts with label PERSONAL. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PERSONAL. Show all posts

developing my inner voice




A few thoughts that I recently shared with a friend ...

It has been hard for me to discern and develop my own inner voice. Here are a few thoughts about my journey:

  1. Acknowledging the existence of my beautiful inner heart/self/voice seemed to be the starting point. Getting past the idea that my heart was actually trustable and not desperately wicked was a good start.
  2. Trying to figure out why I have done, or am doing, things is sometimes hard but necessary. My big discovery was that I did a lot of things because I was a rules follower. I still love rules and principles but now understand a tad more about how impotent and limiting they can be.
  3. Focusing on becoming more loving seems to sometimes identify the battle between head and heart. I am always aware about how much fear is a part of my journey. Even today I struggle with the future because I am fearful of future health problems for Ann and me.
  4. Being open to change has been really been hard for me. I retired at 49 from a job that I loved. A few years later I left a ministry position that I did not want to leave. Each time I tried to lean into the still small voice of my inner self. In each case I was glad that I did.
  5. In my early years I really judged myself harshly. I had grace for everybody but me. Being comfortable in my own skin and owning who I am seems like a cliche but it took a long time for me to get there.
Hoping that this might help someone who struggles finding their inner voice. I welcome your input.


a spring meme



My obligatory seasonal meme with a tip-o-the-hat to my friend Ollie.

  • Favorite smell - bacon, of course
  • First job - YMCA camp counselor
  • Current job - VP of Human Resources, Retirement KC
  • Dream job - I no longer dream about employment.
  • Astrological - Taurus, you now I am bullish. ツ
  • Favorite Pizza- Chicago Deep Dish … joking … NYC pizza of course!
  • Favorite foot attire- Crocs that I use for slippers.
  • Roller Coasters - Yuk!
  • Favorite candy - Chunky with M&M Peanuts a close second.
  • Favorite ice cream - Pistachio
  • Pet Peeve - Folks who say "the bible says" based on their interpretation.
  • What are you listening to right now - the sound of silence
  • Color of your vehicle -tan
  • Color of eyes - blue
  • Favorite holiday - every day is a holiday when you are retired
  • Night owl, morning or day person - morning
  • Favorite day of week - Monday
  • Tattoos - No but if I did it would be Lady Liberty
  • Like to cook? As long as a frying pan or grill is involved.
  • Beer or wine or neither? Depends on the meal.
  • Can you drive a manual transmission? Sure but ramped vans are all automatic.
  • Favorite color? Blue
  • Do you like vegetables? Depends
  • Do you wear glasses? Sometimes
  • Favorite season - Spring

Share how you would answer in the comments or on your blog.

It's fun to learn odd little things about people.


Reflections from Private Bob



Here I am a few weeks after I entered the US Army in October 1968. That day in October, when I raised my hand and became a soldier, seems so long ago. Yet it seems like yesterday. I can feel the fear of entering military service knowing that my friends John and Joey had recently died in Vietnam. I remember being drafted and knowing that I did not want to fight in Vietnam. That trip to the recruiter was deeply driven by a desire to find a path that did not include the War in Vietnam. I signed up for an extra year to serve in the US Army Air Command working on missiles with nuclear capability.

I served stateside for three years at a missile firing range in New Mexico. During my military service I grew up a lot. I learned valuable life skills - LOL, like doing my own laundry. I developed technical and interpersonal skills that would last me a lifetime. I met my first wife Ellen. I got outside of my comfort level in a major way as I learned to live away from home and my family. In the end, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not been drafted.


... reposted from November, 2014

17 for '17



A few one liner targets for the new year.
Church: Embrace a new understanding of what it means to me.

Exercise: Stretch and Move every day.

Facebook: Comment less.

Faith: Find new ways to engage it.

Family: Stop worrying out about them.

Food: Enjoy what I eat. Continue to use small plates..

Friends: Be open to new friendships.

News: Try to disengage from the nightly news shows - local and national.

Politics: Continue to engage folks who think differently.

Prayer: Ask less for things and more to accept things.

Spiritual: Control less. Trust more.

Theology: See politics target.

Vacations: Take a few road trips.

Writing: Care less about how much I post on my blogs.
That is just 14. Room for you to suggest a few target areas for me. ツ


Fun with Fours



Four names I go by:
  1. Bob
  2. Robert
  3. Dad
  4. Bobby
Four places I've lived:
  1. New York
  2. Texas
  3. Kansas
  4. Missouri
Four things I love to watch on TV:
  1. Homeland
  2. The Americans
  3. Modern Family
  4. Elementary
Four places I have visited:
  1. Hong Kong
  2. Niagara Falls
  3. Acapulco
  4. Vancouver
Four things I love to eat:
  1. NYC Pizza
  2. Key Lime Pie
  3. Alaskan KIng Crab
  4. KC Barbecue
Four favorite drinks:
  1. Nespresso Intenso Coffee
  2. Boulevard Beer
  3. Cabernet Sauvignon
  4. Water


Take one of the fours and share your answers in the comments. ツ

Rolling on the River



Loving my vacation on the San Antonio Riverwalk. I have enjoyed the riverside restaurants and walking by the water. If you are interested in leaning more about the restaurants there, please check out my reviews at Tripadvisor [here].

That said, the time has been a bit challenging with my wife is in a motorized wheelchair. We really enjoyed our multi day visit to the riverwalk area but feel that it could be a lot friendlier to people in wheelchairs. A few thoughts:
  • Many unlit areas make it difficult to navigate the walk at night.
  • Narrow passages are a bit dicey for a disabled person.
  • Many pathways are without curbs. This makes for tense traveling in a motorized wheelchair. Concerns about going into a ditch or, worse yet, into the river are a reality for a disabled person.
  • Some elevators, especially at the street level, are unmarked and hard to find.
  • We visited in a slow time and the Riverwalk attendance was fairly low. I do wonder what it would be like for a person in a wheelchair if attendance was high. Seems like it might not be a great experience.
  • A person in a wheelchair would do well to carefully plan their time on the Riverwalk. Once on the Walk it is very difficult to travel to the other side of the river as all bridges have steps. To make the trip you need to elevate to the street then crossover and find another elevator. Not as easy as you might think.
In addition to these points, we could not find a good map of the riverwalk that listed attractions and restaurants. It was good, however, that the broken elevator was clearly identified on the map we got from our hotel.

Finally, on the positive side, most of the riverside restaurants were easy for a wheelchair to access. And the area is really beautiful and a great place to kick back and relax. I recommend it to you if you are looking for a place to relax.


The Day I Became a Cliché



It was about 10 days ago. A Friday morning. Headed to an appointment about 12 blocks from my place. I missed the Streetcar. I decided to walk. A few blocks from my destination I tripped, fell and landed on the edge of a raised manhole cover. I remember feeling my head bounce off the sidewalk. My first thought was good, I do not have a concussion. My second realization was that I was in a lot of pain. Shockingly, I had fallen and could not get up.

I heard the voice of a stranger. "Are you okay? Can I help?" I told my Good Samaritan that I needed help. He took hold of me, got me to my feet and led me to a place that I could sit. Before I knew it, Patrick, one of our pastors, came and brought me to the Emergency Room where my son met us. I sat in the ER for a long time before they found the cause of my intense pain. I had suffered a few pelvic fractures when I fell.

In thinking back over the past week or so I am very thankful for all of the ways that I have been helped. I have sensed God with me from that first day when the Samaritan picked me up, Patrick brought me to the ER and my son stayed with me all day. I was grateful when a good friend stayed with Ann that first night and when my sister-in-law stayed the second night. My stay at the hospital was filled his presence as nurses, aides, technicians and doctors helped me begin to heal.

I am beginning to be able to get out of the wheelchair and use the walker more. Healing seems to be happening and strength seems to be returning. I am thankful for this. Also very appreciative of the food that has been delivered and the care that has been shown to me by so many friends. In reflection, the "I've Fallen" cliché is probably more accurately stated a "I fallen but I will get up with the help of others". And perhaps it is a lesson we all need to hear. ツ


While We're Here We Should Dance!



I love the sentiment of the saying in this image. It speaks to me of our need to enjoy life even when it is hard and difficult. Last year was a difficult one for me.. my first year of retirement and dealing with the death of a few of my dreams. Early in the year Susan Boyle made famous "I Dreamed a Dream".. her rendition of it still moves me.. I can so resonate with this last stanza:
    I had a dream my life would be
    So different from this hell I'm living
    So different now from what it seemed
    Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
I think that there is a mourning period when we realize that our dream has died and life is different than the one we imagined.. like most grief it is a healthy phase as long as it is not prolonged. Maybe it is just the onset of 2010 but, on a personal level, I feel that I am ready to dance the dance of life again. In celebration of that I give you these notable sayings:
Without music, life would be a mistake.... I would only believe in a God who knew how to dance. -Nietzsche

In life as in dance: Grace glides on blistered feet. -Alice Abrams

Let us read and let us dance - two amusements that will never do any harm to the world. -Voltaire

Work like you don't need the money, love like your heart has never been broken,
and dance like no one is watching. -Aurora Greenway
I don't know about you but I want to remember 2010 as the year I began to dance again!


... first posted January, 2010

The 'What About Bob' Meme



It has been a while since I have done one of these. Found this one on Facebook.

    ✓ Been Married
        Been Divorced
    ✓ Fallen in love
        Gone on a blind date
        Skipped school
    ✓ Been to Canada
        Ridden in an ambulance
        Been to Hawaii
        Been to Europe
        Been to Las Vegas
    ✓ Been to Washington D.C
    ✓ Been to Nashville
    ✓ Visited Florida
    ✓ Visited Mexico
        Seen the Grand Canyon in person
        Flown in a helicopter
    ✓ Been on a cruise
    ✓ Served on a jury
        Danced in the rain
    ✓ Been to Los Angeles
    ✓ Been to New York City
        Played in a band
        Sang karaoke
    ✓ Laughed so much you cried
        Laughed so hard you peed
    ✓ Caught a snowflake on your tongue
    ✓ Had children
    ✓ ad a pet
    ✓ Been sledding on big hill
        Been downhill skiing
        Been water skiing
    ✓ Rode on a motorcycle
        Been on the Radio
        Traveled to all 50 states
        Jumped out of a plane
    ✓ Been to a drive-in
    ✓ Rode a Horse
    ✓ Been on TV
    ✓ Been in the newspaper
    ✓ Stayed in the Hospital
    ✓ Donated blood
        Gotten a piercing
        Gotten a tattoo
        Been scuba diving
    ✓ Got a speeding ticket
        Broken a bone
    ✓ Gotten stitches
    ✓ Traveled Alone

Make this meme your own. And let me know where to find your check marks. ツ


40 Years Ago Today



40 Years Ago today I began computer programming training in Kansas City. I flew in from Houston to interview for the promotion a few weeks earlier. For two months I stayed at a hotel in midtown KC and took a bus to the office where I learned all about software design and coding. I absolutely loved what I was learning. I really had an aptitude for it. Each weekend the company would either loan me a car to hunt for a place to live or they would buy me a round trip plane ticket to my home in Houston. It was a beautiful time of transition to a new profession and a new city.


Friends that Refresh



Yesterday we said goodbye to our friend Mary Jo as she boarded her plane back to Michigan.. it was hard to say goodbye. Mary Jo is one of my wife's oldest and dearest friends. They met at St Mary College in Leavenworth, Kansas when they shared a dorm room. A few weeks ago when I heard that she was coming a smile crossed my face. A bit of my stress was relieved. Mary Jo is a friend that refreshes. The last time we moved she was also with us for a week. Her presence was such an uplifting one. We were so blessed to have her with us this past week. Her help with our house move was invaluable. Yet even more valuable was her encouraging presence.

Mary Jo reminds me of a friend that I have known for over 30 years - his name is Ollie. We became friends in the late 70s when he lived in the Kansas City area. He and I enjoyed such great fellowship back then. Ollie moved out of the area in the 80s. He came back into town for a few years. Then moved again. He currently lives in Texas. Ollie has always been an absolute joy to be around. In 1994 I found myself heartbroken and devastated when my wife died. Ollie flew in from Ohio to sing at her funeral - when I saw him my heart was refreshed. It was as if God has sent an angel my way telling me that things would be okay. Ollie came back into town the following year to sing at my wedding. I had lunch with him last month when he was in KC - his friendship still refreshes me.

I get a bit choked up thinking about how these friends have refreshed and blessed my life.. they are truly gifts from the Lord. Can you relate to having friends like Mary Jo and Ollie? Shakespeare said it best when he penned these words:
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend, All losses are restored and sorrows end.
There is simply something wonderful about friends that refresh! Can you relate?


... originally posted in July 2010

Remembering My Dad


My dad passed away on January 19, 2002. A few years ago I remembered him on Father's Day by posting the eulogy I gave at his funeral. This year I remember my dad by posting a poem that I wrote about him in the early 90s:

My Dad

I once imagined, that when I was old, a man of position I'd be.
An admired man. One of good works, that many would see.
Now, at the mid-point of my years, my eyes turn back to Dad.
I find myself wanting to be like him in ways that surprise me.

You see, when I was young, I didn't see the strength of his love.
I didn't understand the nobility of the sacrifices he made for me.
The part time jobs, the hard work, the man asleep on the couch.
Images, that now give warm feelings, I then didn't understand.

For I didn't know what made a man a man, and a dad a dad.
But I know now and I want to be like my father, Lawrence J.
A man full of kindness, of gentle strength, of quiet inner love.
I thank God for my Dad, his love for me and my love for him.

I sent this poem to my dad inside a Fathers Day card. We didn't talk about my poem while he was alive (wish we had) as he lived in another state. After he passed away I found the poem amongst his things. It made my heart glad.


This is a repeat of my fathers day post from 2007. It always inspires me to think of my dad and the man that he was.

Diagnosing Hemochromatosis



I saw this pic on Facebook today. It reminded me about my own journey with Hemochromatosis (HHC). Normal ferritin levels are 24-336. Mine were over 1,800 when I was first diagnosed in 1998.  According to hemochromatosis.org:
Hemochromatosis is a leading cause of iron overload disease. People with Hemochromatosis absorb extra amounts of iron from the daily diet. The human body cannot rid itself of extra iron. Over time, these excesses build up in major organs such as the heart, liver, pancreas, joints and pituitary. If the extra iron is not removed, these organs can become diseased. Untreated Hemochromatosis can be fatal.
HHC is a genetic disorder that my sister and I both share. My treatment over the years has involved regular blood testing and phlebotomy therapy - I donated blood every other week for a year when I was first diagnosed. These days I donate my blood at the Community Blood Center two to three times a year which keep my levels around 50.

HHC is not fatal if it is caught early and aggressively treated like mine was. A good reason to insure that your blood is screened for high iron levels when you get your annual physical. You do get an annual physical. Right?


My Easter Story



Forty years ago. The day before Easter 1976. My life was forever changed as I prayed. Here is my story.


This is an awesome time of the year for me - it is the time that I remember that Easter weekend in 1976 when I gave my heart to Jesus. My journey to that weekend started in April 1972 when my new bride (we were married the previous June) Ellen came home from a visit to an ophthalmologist with bad news – he told her that the retinas in both eyes were hemorrhaging and she would be blind within a month.

The next 3 years were painful years ... visits to eye hospitals ... failed laser surgeries ... losing hope about life as I watched as my beautiful perky wife retreated into painful despair. Several years later hope was returning ... Ellen was seeing in shades of gray ... she could somewhat function with a powerful magnifying glass. Then hope was crushed on a Sunday in November 1974 when Ellen awoke with dark spots in her eyes ... before the day was out everything was black again ... I was devastated!

The days were dark again ... sadness and despair ruled the day ... I medicated with beer and bourbon. Then something changed – I transferred to Houston Texas from Newark New Jersey in February 1975 ... Ellen and I moved in March. Within a week of moving to our new house Marvale, a neighbor, knocked on the door ... Ellen answered the door and Marvale knew instantly why they had move to Houston ... you see she and her husband Jerry (with their 2 children) were packing their moving van in Oklahoma that same Sunday that Ellen’s eyes were hemorrhaging ... they had no clue why they were being transferred to Houston ... but God knew and when she met Ellen Marvale also knew. A friendship began to grow with our new neighbors ... Jerry tried to talk to me about Jesus but I would have nothing to do with religion or God ... my wounds went deep.

On a Sunday in August 1975 Ellen capitulated to Marvale’s invitation to come to church ... after all I had to work that day and couldn't go ... and went to church with her and her family. The pastor did something different that morning ... before he gave his sermon he asked if anyone would like to invite Jesus into their heart ...Ellen’s hand shot up ... she was the only one and the pastor decided to speak to her after the service. He proceeded to give his sermon and asked people to turn to a bible passage ... as Marvale opened her bible Ellen looked down and pointed to the scrpture ... she saw the words of the scripture ... and could read the very small print ... she could not believe what had happened ... she could now see out of her left eye ... simply miraculous!

That evening I returned home from work to this wild and thoroughly unbelievable story and ... being a very wounded and skeptical man ... I shrugged it off as a part of the weirdness of our lives. A week later the reality of the miracle hit me in the face ... I came home to the news that Ellen had ... for the first time in over 3 years ... got her drivers license ... I was shocked and could no longer stay in denial of what had happened to her ... she had passed the eye exam. At her insistence we started going to the church where she accepted Jesus ... what a weird place ... people smiled and seemed to enjoy church ... there were no hymnals ... they didn’t kneel ... it made me feel quite uncomfortable. I quickly took control and announced that we would begin attending an Episcopal Church ... the denomination that I grew up in. Ellen acquiesced and we began a journey that encompassed several churches and many Full Gospel Businessmen’s meetings. I was beginning to see that faith was more than a religion ... I started to be lovingly ... and sometimes not so lovingly confronted ... with the scriptures.

On a weeknight in the fall of 1975 Ellen interrupted my TV time with a few questions ... ones that would impact me for the rest of my life. She started with “Do you believe in the bible?” I replied sarcastically “Of course I do ... Episcopalians believe in the bible.” ... I wasn’t going to let her get the best of me ... my religion was just as good as hers. She asked another question: “Do you believe in evolution?” I said “Of course I do ... it is science.” Then she said something that rocked me – “Then you don’t believe in the bible”. Of course being a New Yorker I had to say something, so I retorted “I don’t know about all that but whatever the Episcopalians believe is what I believe.” I had no clue what the bible said because I had never read it and for some reason this bothered me.

As the months passed I watched Ellen become stronger ... we would argue ... I would win but didn’t really feel that I had won. She was being transformed into something beautiful. Then Good Friday 1976 came ... by now we were watching the 700 Club almost every night ... I was often moved by testimonies of healings and miracles. That Friday night Pat Robertson invited us to take communion with him ... we used a hamburger bun and apple juice ... it was so moving ... my heart was touched and broken. The next night we attended a Full Gospel Businessmen’s convention with Jerry and Marvale ... a medical doctor spoke ... the message was endearing ... then came an altar call for healing ... Ellen still struggled with diabetes and went forward for prayer. As I watched her go forward my heart broke once again and I closed my eyes and prayed my first real prayer. I began to pray by saying “God if you will heal my wife I will stop drinking” ... as I spoke a presence came over me ... I became aware that I was a sinner ... I felt dirty on the inside ... I changed my prayer and told the Lord I would give up the booze because it was what he wanted me to do ... I didn't really know it but I was surrendering my heart to Him. A minute later I opened my eyes and there was Jerry standing in front of me – he told me that the speaker was praying for people and asked me to go down with him. I went down and the man put his hand on my head and blessed me ... that was it ... I thought that nothing had happened ... that is until the next day.

The next day was Easter and we went to church in the evening with our neighbors ... no one had a clue what I had done in the quietness of my heart the night before ... I didn’t plan to tell anyone. I remember, like it was yesterday, that night at a large church in Houston ... I was caught up in worship for the first time in my life. I remember we were singing a chorus from the Andre Crouch song "My Tribute". We were repeating the verse "To God be the glory" … I was in a state of surrender … singing my heart out … entering a most holy place of worship … then ... shock of all shocks ... I came to the realization that I was no longer singing in English … I was totally freaked out ... I tried to rationalize but I couldn’t – God had met me, given me a spiritual gift and assured me that I was His ... powerful transformation was beginning ... it was the beginning of the wildest ride of my life ... a ride with my friend Jesus

It has been fun remembering and writing about that season of my life some 30+ years ago ... a sweet memory that I will celebrate this week as I remember Jesus’ week of passion ... a week that started with praises ... continued with betrayal, denials and death ... and ended with miraculous resurrection. What a difference between Good Friday and Easter ... back then and back in April 1976.


- First published in April 2006 at An Eye for Redemption.

Celebrating My Valentine



Today I am remembering how God brought Ann into my life. We celebrated our first Valentines Day 21 years ago today. It was the day that I asked her to be my wife and we became engaged to be married. In many ways Ann was nothing like what I expected in a woman but in every way she was exactly the woman of my dreams. Our courtship was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I experienced levels of joy that had escaped me for so long. Ann made me feel so young and alive. I had such little understanding of how much of a blessing she would be. Over the years I have seen her exhibit amazing perseverance. It is humbling to witness how she deals with disability.

You know it was funny how Ann and I met all over again. We had been acquainted for almost 20 years but had not seen each other for about five years. One day we, by chance, ran into each other in front of The Dime Store in Kansas City where she was shopping and I was just happening by. I wrote this poem at the onset of our courtship.


Love at Second Sight

What drew me to her I do not know.
Spirit? Soul? Flesh? A mystery to me still.
On that day I saw her again ... for the very first time.
Could this be love ... at second sight?

That day was bright ... my heart was dark.
Her skin was fair ... my soul was heavy.
A spark ignited and my spirit soared.
Could this be love ... at second sight?

The summer passed and fall had come.
My mind wandered still to that that day in June,
When my heart was touched by her lovely smile.
Could this be love ... at second sight?

As grief passed and courage grew,
I saw her again and then I knew ...
That my heart longed to know her heart.
Could this be love ... at second sight?

Mourning exchanged for joy.
Loneliness turned into happiness.
Feelings I can neither explain nor express.
Could this be love ... at second sight?

Time goes on and passion grows.
Where we'll go ... who really knows.
My heart and my mind yet question still ...
Could this be love ... at second sight?

I echo the words of that poem today. Ann brings me such joy! God has blessed me with a wife that is a servant in the best sense of serving. A woman who's inner beauty and integrity are matchless. A woman who loves God.

Just call me blessed!


Am I a Blue Dog?



I first posted this question on January 29, 2010. Six years later I still resonate with much of what I wrote then.
Consider what I recently posted in a comment.
I am no socialist but I am grateful for our democratic socialist programs that care for the poor and the elderly. I told a friend last week that I wish programs like Medicare and Social Security were/are not needed. I wish more charitable people and decent insurance companies existed. In the end it is not an either/or proposition for me. I would love to see the private sector step forward and reduce the need for big govt programs. I am not sure what is preventing people from doing so.

In our town we help a clinic that cares for the poor, a Christian homeless shelter, a group that provides bus passes to people needing to go on job interviews as well as other more traditional ministries. The opportunities are out there if we simply look for them.
So I think that the Blue Dog moniker is still somewhat descriptive of my views. What about you?



Ever heard the term "Blue Dog Democrat" and wonder where the term came from? According to the wiki:
Former Texas Democrat Rep. Pete Geren is credited for coining the term, explaining that the members had been "choked blue" by "extreme" Democrats from the left.
The wiki also describes them like this:
The Blue Dog Coalition describes itself as a group of moderate-to-conservative Democrats committed to financial and national security, favoring compromise and bipartisanship over ideology and party discipline.
I like that description and wonder if I am a Blue Dog. I am in favor of those aspects.. I am a huge believer in financial security if it means balancing the budget and paying down the national debt. I think that we should be have a strong national security policy. I think that compromise is not a bad word. I think that ideology and party discipline are not bad but I think the lack of bipartisan governance has created a cynicism in our nation.

So maybe I am a Blue Dog. Albeit a Blue Dog Independent. I do feel that the extremes have choked me blue. :)

What do you think?  Are extremes in politics, religion and life choking you blue?


Through a purging flame of doubt ...



Ellen
"It is not as a child that I believe in Christ and profess his teaching;
my hosanna has burst through a purging flame of doubt." -Dostoevsky

I resonate with this quote. Sometimes our life experiences make it hard to believe. I was 26 when Christ came into my heart and began a process of transformation. I struggled for months before that. For years I had watched my wife Ellen suffer the blindness associated with diabetic retinopathy. By virtue of divine intervention she could now see in one eye. Yet the years had taken a toll on me. I was bitter towards the suffering. It was hard to embrace an entity that had allowed Ellen (and me) to experience such pain. For years all I had was bourbon and beer to comfort me.

Flames of doubt surrounded me as I tried to come to grips with the new life that Ellen was experiencing. In a sense her experiences were too good to be true. Yet it was impossible to doubt that something had happened to her. I could no more doubt the existence of gravity than to discount the amazing life changes that she was showing me. Her life was burning like a torch and confronting the darkness of my doubts. Then I prayed. My first real prayer in many years. A presence came upon me. I could no longer doubt. My hosanna was bursting through the flames.


End of year Hodgepodge



The folks at From This Side of the Pond have a meme called Wednesday Hodgepodge. Here's my entry for today.
  1. Share a favorite memory/moment from the week of Christmas.

    Gathering, cooking, eating and sharing with my family on Christmas day.

  2. If someone wrote a book about your life based on the past year, what genre would it fall under? What would the title be?

    Self help book based on Richard Rohr's "Falling Upward".
    It would be titled "Stumbling Upward".


  3. What made you feel patriotic this year?

    Shows and stories about how America is caring for our wounded soldiers.
    Also, watching American Sniper and seeing the bravery of our troops.


  4. What experience from this past year would you like to do all over again?

    Exploring downtown KC and trying new lunch spots close to our loft.

  5. What song lyric sums up or is a reflection of your 2015?

    You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometime, you just 'might' find, you get what you need.

  6. On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate 2015? (10=stellar) Why?

    5.5 - more good than bad. Not ready to commit to a 6 at this time.

  7. What part of the upcoming year are you most excited about?

    Spring. Love the walkable weather in downtown KC,

  8. Insert your own random thought here.

    Life is too short to drink bad coffee.
Thanks for reading. Join the fun at This Side of the Pond.


Mets Memories



Bill and Bob
I think it was in 1962 or 63 that my older brother Bill first took me to a Mets game. I was 13 or so and really loved taking the Ferry and the Subway to the Polo Grounds in upper Manhattan. But even more I loved being with Bill whether it was a Mets or Yankees game.

These are the things I think about as the NY Mets come to KC this week to play the Royals in the World Series. How I wish my brother, a guy who cheered for his Mets since those early days, was still with us. It would be great fun to talk smack with him about his team and my team. But perhaps Bill will be watching the series from heaven? If he is, I hope that he is not trying to convince God to root for the Mets. ツ



Ten Questions



My Facebook friend Bill reminded me of these questions that James Lipton (pictured) used to ask his quests at the end of each interview of The Actor's Studio. Here they are with my emboldened responses:
  1. What is your favorite word? :: optimizer
  2. What is your least favorite word? :: disability
  3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? :: diversity
  4. What turns you off? :: a closed mind
  5. What is your favorite curse word? :: calvinism ツ
  6. What sound or noise do you love? :: my wife's voice
  7. What sound or noise do you hate? :: passive aggressive silence
  8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? :: chef
  9. What profession would you not like to do? :: acting
  10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? :: Welcome home.
Did you ever watch the show? How would you answer any, or all, of these questions?