kc bob: ATTITUDE

Showing posts with label ATTITUDE. Show all posts

developing a grateful heart

This is the image that greets me each morning when I enter the hall bath of our downtown KC loft.

It reminds me that thankfulness is a challenge to embrace every single new day.

The words challenge me to live a different sort of life and develop a transformed image of it.

I honestly don't always pay attention to the words - sometimes I am simply not up for the message.

Often I wake up to a life that seems so heavy and I feel so alone and forgotten.

In times like these I think that it is so hard, yet so necessary, to develop a grateful heart.

Some think that thankfulness is purely a matter of perspective and focus.

These folks say things like count your blessings and focus on the positive.

That may work for some but it has not really been helpful in my life.

For me, the journey begins with an acknowledgement that I am a thankful person.

I am so grateful for the love of my God, my wife, my family and my friends.

I think that this acknowledgement is foundational in developing a grateful heart.

Developing a grateful heart begins with the idea that I am grateful.

So it is not so much a change of heart as it is a development of it.

It is not saying that I am thankful for bad things but acknowledging that God is at work.

Believing that God is active in every situation causes thankfulness to grow in me.

If something bad happens it can help strengthen and grow a thankful heart in me.

I think that a strong heart is a thankful one that is able to see unseen things.

Developing inner vision requires feeding, nurturing and training our heart.

In essence a thankful life is one not dominated by the brain but by the heart.

In my experience, leaning into my brain nevers develops thankfulness.

On the flipside, I find thankfulness to bubble up from a strong heart.

It is not so much a matter of counting our blessings as it is knowing we are blessed.

Having this knowledge causes us to embrace the idea that life is a blessing to be lived.

So with each new day we can awake thankful for the blessing of life.

In doing so we make our heart a bit stronger than our head.

And find thanksgiving and gratefulness developing in us.

Faith is an Attitude

Jessie writes about the role of faith and disability in her life at the Easy Stand blog. Here are a few quotables snippets:

Faith is very hard to hang onto when you’re being beaten down
from every direction at once.

Faith is more than a belief, it’s an attitude like life and you’re going to
get out of it what you put into it.

We had very different struggles in life and we both climbed that mountain.
We reached the top with bloodied nails, scars, and cried many tears along
the way, but faith was what kept us strong.

I so resonate with Jessie. Ann's disability has caused us to engage an attitude of faith in many ways.

The Civility Pledge

In 2010 Mark Demoss wrote a post titled "Why this fear of a civility pledge?" (read it here). Here is the Civility Pledge:

• I will be civil in my public discourse and behavior.

• I will be respectful of others whether or not I agree with them.

• I will stand against incivility when I see it.

I am taking the pledge. Won't you take the pledge with me?

PS: It is interesting to note that The Civility Project website (mentioned in DeMoss' post) is no longer up and running. Perhaps that is representative of how folks have given up on civility. Even so, I wish our candidates would take it.

What is a Cynic?

-George S. Patton

I am neither bitter nor cynical but I do wish there was less immaturity in political thinking. -FDR

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. -H. L. Mencken

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. -Oscar Wilde

A cynic is a man who looks at the world with a monocle in his mind's eye. -Carolyn Wells

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. -George Carlin

I sometimes battle with cynicism masquerading as religious fatalism. -KC Bob

Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent.” -Glen Cook

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. -Stephen Colbert

A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -Ambrose Bierce

Fighting the Scrooge Within

One of my favorite stories at this time of year is Charles Dickens' classic, A Christmas Carol. When I think of the story I usually fast forward to the wonderful ending and sometimes forget the state of Scrooge when the story began. Consider this passage from it where Scrooge speaks with a few men who are asking him to help the poor with a donation:

First Collector: At this festive time of year, Mr. Scrooge, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute.

Ebenezer: Are there no prisons?

First Collector: Plenty of prisons.

Ebenezer: And the union workhouses - are they still in operation?

First Collector: They are. I wish I could say they were not.

Ebenezer: Oh, from what you said at first I was afraid that something had happened to stop them in their useful course. Im very glad to hear it.

First Collector: I dont think you quite understand us, sir. A few of us are endeavoring to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth.

Ebenezer: Why?

First Collector: Because it is at Christmastime that want is most keenly felt, and abundance rejoices. Now what can I put you down for?

Ebenezer: Huh! Nothing!

Second Collector: You wish to be anonymous?

Ebenezer: [firmly, but calmly] I wish to be left alone. Since you ask me what I wish sir, that is my answer. I help to support the establishments I have named; those who are badly off must go there.

First Collector: Many cant go there.

Second Collector: And some would rather die.

Ebenezer: If they'd rather die, then they had better do it and decrease the surplus population.

Now before you say that you are glad that we do not live in times such as the one portrayed here I might remind you that some still believe that the poorest amongst us simply need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps - I am sure that you are not one of those people.

So perhaps we might consider howto fight the Scrooge in us during this season of Christmas. I suggest that we:

resist the urge to pass by Salvation Army kettles and intentionally keep sufficient bills in our wallets to be deposit in those kettles;
consider writing a check this month to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.. or possibly find a way to volunteer at one of those establishments;
encourage our places of worship to support outreaches to the poor, homeless and less fortunate members of our communities;
elevate the amount of tipping for waiters, waitresses, porters, cabbies and others who depend on the generosity of the people who they serve;
embrace intentional generosity in our Christmas giving and determine to elevate our charitable donations for the coming year.

Just a few ideas. Perhaps you have a suggestion that you would like to share?

... first posted December 2, 2010

Reality Trip

I sometimes think of myself as a pragmatic realist. And, to a large that degree that is true. Yet there is a part of me that loves to take on windmills ala Don Quixote. Dream the Impossible Dream. What I have found is that truth lies someplace in between reality and world of dreams. If we focus too much on either we can become cynics or space cadets.

Perhaps the best way to pursue our dreams is to first know who we are. What gives us joy and what things are pure drudgery. We are then able to dream with our feet planted in the pure reality of who we are and what we want. On the flipside, dreaming does require embracing a different reality. Difficult but not as painful as charging at windmills. ツ

a Boss is not always a Leader

A few observations from this image that I have found true:

    • Workers usually carry the boss;
    • Bosses are not always capable of doing the work;
    • Leaders usually get their hands dirty;
    • The workers' load is lighter when the boss leads;
    • Leaders create an atmosphere of inspiration.

Generally speaking, a boss is a positional title. A leader may not have a formal title.

On the giving of grace ...

I remember sitting with my brother-in-law at his home in New Jersey. His wife, my sister, had just died. We were grieving together. I had just officiated at the funeral.
As we were speaking he said something like this to me.

Bob, I want you to know that I will always be happy to hear your voice if you call me. If I do not hear from you for a year, I will be happy to hear your voice. I will not be mad if you do not call. And if you call me I will always be happy to talk.You and I will always be brothers.

His words were so filled with grace and I felt so free when he spoke them. So different from folks who act offended when others do not meet their expectations. Perhaps his words might help you to give a bit of grace today?

And interestingly, we regularly talk on the phone. I mean really, who would not want a brother like this in their life?

Good Distractions

In our success oriented culture, distractions are often painted in a very negative light. I think that is unfortunate because we need relief from the stressors of work, child rearing and our varied responsibilities. Music is something that can be a good distraction. So are long walks. And watching a silly movie or TV show. Consider this from actor Danny Aiello.

"I need distractions. Good distractions, not bad ones.
A good distraction for me is a great play."
Can you relate to what Danny is saying? What are your good distractions? Please share!

If you wanna be happy ...

"Perseverance towards problem-solving versus complaining over circumstances is a symptom of a happy person. Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life and stay stuck in the "look what happened to me" attitude versus finding a way through and out the other side."
...
"I won't argue that healthy discernment is important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man. They believe in the good in people, versus assuming everyone is out to get them. Generally open and friendly towards people they meet, happy people foster a sense of community around themselves and meet new people with an open heart."
...
"There's a difference between control and striving to achieve our goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve their goals, but realize in the end, there's very little control over what life throws their way."
...
"Happy people live in the now and dream about the future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They're excited about something they're working on, grateful for what they have and dreaming about the possibilities of life."

... these sentiments are excerpted from 7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People by Tamara Star

Positive Fantasizing

Ran across a great NY Times article by Gabriele Oettingen, a university professor of psychology. The title of her piece is "The Problem With Positive Thinking". Here are a few clips from the article.

"In each of these studies, the results have been clear: Fantasizing about happy outcomes — about smoothly attaining your wishes — didn't help. Indeed, it hindered people from realizing their dreams. Why doesn’t positive thinking work the way you might assume? As my colleagues and I have discovered, dreaming about the future calms you down, measurably reducing systolic blood pressure, but it also can drain you of the energy you need to take action in pursuit of your goals. ... Positive thinking fools our minds into perceiving that we've already attained our goal, slackening our readiness to pursue it."

I suggest you read the rest of the article here. It is a good read and speaks to ways to balance positive thinking with a dose of realism. If this peaks your interest you might be interested in optimism defined as Proactive Realism.

Happiness follows Contentment

Not sure if it is God or just serendipity that has brought two happiness related images my way this week. I so struggle with being content these days. Difficult to be content with health related limitations. The doc took me off anti-inflammation meds a few weeks ago and I have struggled with pain in my wrists and ankles where I have bone-on-bone issues. Even so, I do understand the challenge to rise above my pain be content in this season of my life. And perhaps challenge is the best word to describe it? Maybe my struggle is not so much with the pain but more about my expectations of happiness that are not connected with being content where I am. So today I will try to focus on being content and see where that takes me. Can you relate?

My Way

Have you seen the recent Gatorade ad that showcases retiring New York Yankee, Derek Jeter? You can view it here - it has almost five million views on YouTube. The ad showcases Frank Sinatra singing his iconic song, "My Way". It reminds me how I struggle with the words of that song. As a theist, I bristle when I hear the phrase "I did it my way". And then I remember that the song is not really about having it "My Way" but is more about standing up for what you believe. It is not about refusing to kneel to God but not bending with popular opinion. It is not about having an opinion but about having a conviction. Here is the way that the song says it: "For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels." My hope is that, in the end, I will be remembered as a person who was more courageous than fearful.

The Upside of Mistakes

"What is it about human nature that makes it easier to dwell on the one thing we did wrong rather than on everything else we did right?"

Read this quote in an mail from Kim Allen and got to thinking about how hard it is to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. Kim goes on to say:

"Mistakes are what they are. They happen. Feeling badly about them is only an opinion based on a limited perspective. That’s because 'beat myself up' thoughts and emotions like guilt, worry and "I can't do anything right!" trigger a cascade of physiological responses that not only wear us down, but prevent us from thinking clearly or seeing the situation any other way. We literally can't remember all we do right."

I have to admit that I struggle in this area. I am prone to sometimes fixate on the negative and not see all of the positive things. Perhaps it is simply a matter of trusting that God is using even my mistakes to make me a better person. And in reality, I think that mistakes, my own and the ones others make, have made me a more loving and forgiving person.

Cynicism, Expectations and Love

When it comes to expectations there seems to be two extremes - cynicism and naivety. The former says all people are unworthy of our trust. The latter thinks everyone can be trusted to do what we think they should do. I resonate more with the former than the latter.

Martin Luther King, Jr. once said "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." That speaks to me of my need to tap into the love that lives within me to avoid the cynical response and let go of my disappointment. Perhaps the best way to avoid disappointment is not to jettison our expectations but to wrap them up in love?

- I would love to hear what you think. Please leave a comment.

Ingrained Skepticism

Growing up in New York City, I think that I have always leaned towards the cynical. My
predisposition is towards skepticism. LOL, I have always called it being a “realist”.

As I am ready through the scriptures, with the Bible in 90 Days group that I am leading, I am continually being confronted by people who have a different attitude than me. I cried when I read in Genesis about Joseph telling his brothers that God had a better plan and used his suffering to preserve their family – not because I agreed or disagreed with Joseph’s theology but because I saw an attitude in Joseph that I admired and want to aspire to. His perspective seems so much better than mine.

And when I read in Exodus about how only two Israeli spies out of twelve returned to Moses with a “good report” I was confronted with the fact that I would have probably been counted with the ten. Thinking about Ruth, I think that I would have been the daughter-in-law who returned to Moab and missed out on the blessing. So many of the great people in scriptures were great because of their attitude. I guess my point is that I am seeing that the scriptures are filled with Josephs, Joshuas, Calebs and Ruths – and I so want to have their attitude towards God and toward life. Maybe we who lean a bit towards cynicism and skepticism can help each other to change by praying for each other?

Everyday Grace

Often religious folks like me speak of grace as being God's unmerited favor. So interesting how that concept seems to elude my grasp every day. Here are a few thoughts about sharing grace today ...

Consider the notion of tipping more for bad service ...

Say thank you even when you do not feel thankful ...

Be nice when someone treats you badly ...

Smile even when your heart is hurting and life sucks ...

Encourage a friend when they deserve it the least.

I would love to hear other ways of sharing everyday grace. Please share!

What is Success?

In my younger years I loved formulas and rules that spoke to being successful. I embraced Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and carried their time management binder every where I went. These days I am retired and do not need more than a calendar to navigate my days.

That said I did enjoy reading these suggestions for success. The first three are key - your spouse, your work and your attitude are so important. Here are a few thoughts about some of the others.

5. Forgiveness will open doors that seem to be nailed shut.

6. Every day I struggle to be more generous than the day before.

7. Gratitude is so important but rarely included on these lists.

8. Successful people simply do not give up.

9 Saving for the future requires a lot of discipline.

10. The golden rule is the best practice in business and in life.

13. Temporary happiness is over-rated.

14-15. Integrity matters in business and in life.

17. The converse is analysis paralysis. It is okay to be wrong.

21. This is a bit schmaltzy but pithy advice all the same.

Any thoughts about the list? Anything stand out?

Learning to Celebrate our Memories

One of the lessons I was taught years ago was to be able to look back and celebrate my memories. Yet so often it is difficult to rejoice over our painful past. In times like those I suggest that we take the advice in the image - unless that beautiful view keeps us from embracing the promise of tomorrow.

Is Tolerance an Aspect of Love?

Interesting that the bishop does not speak to the actions of persons. Most certainly society does not tolerate the actions of law breakers. Still it seems that the actions and lifestyles of some are difficult to separate from those who we are advised to tolerate.

I wonder how this would read if we substituted love for tolerance and hate for intolerance? Not sure that it would accurate to frame the dialog that way. Thoughts?

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