kc bob: LOL

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Thanksgiving Funnies

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all.

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Teacher: "Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?"
Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

-first posted November, 2012

LOL. It's Good for You!

Studies on humor and laughter from Duke University, Loma Linda University, UCLA,
and even from other countries such as Great Britain have shown:

Laughing helps relax tense muscles.
Laughter reduces the production of stress hormones.
Laughter and a positive attitude strengthen the immune system.
Laughter allows a person to 'forget' about aches and pains and perceive pain as less intense.
A good laugh is like an aerobic workout for the heart and lungs--increasing the body's ability to use oxygen.
Laughter helps lower high blood pressure.
There are no known negative side effects to laughter.

Read these in an email from Kim Allen and thought I would pass along.

I'm Not a Robot

... according to Blogger. Who is pretty much a robot. ツ

Happy Groundhog Day

This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather.

This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town.

When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.

... quotes from Weatherman Phil Connors in the Groundhog Day movie.

Punography

Vintage Slang

Yagan Shah writes today about 11 Vintage Slang Terms That Need To Make A Comeback at the Huffington Post.

Here are her terms and my thoughts about them:

Groovy. A song by the Little Rascals is echoing in my head.
Swell. Let's leave that one back with Wally and the Beav.
Radical. I have never been one. Pretty moderate.
Scram. I am not a gangster from Brooklyn.
Neat. "and tidy" is what I am thinking about. ツ
Funky. Some sort of weird odor associated with a teen's room
The bee's knees. Something even my grandparents didn't say.
Cool beans. Food that need to be reheated in the microwave.
Tubular. Beats me. But I am not an 80s hipster.
Hot to trot. I just start laughing when I say it.
Wicked. Newish Broadway play about Oz?

Check out the Yagan's original article here to read how the terms were originally used.

I would love to hear any thoughts that you might have about these terms. Leave a comments and weigh in.

Absolute Relativism

Ever heard someone say 'Everything is Relative" or "There are No Absolutes"? Ever think about how they are 'Absolute' statements on 'Relativism'? You think that someone might say it like this "Maybe Everything is Relative" or "There may be No Absolutes".

Growing up in the Half Empty Land of New York City definitely skewed my life with a predisposition towards half-emptyism. I am challenged to believe that the cup is half full. I used to cloak my cynicism saying that "I am a realist" ... pretty funny when I think of it.

In retrospect I have to believe that the glass is absolutely half full. Or maybe half empty? Of course, in the picture at the left, the glass is a mug and it's more full than empty. ツ

How do you see the glass? Please leave a comment and let me know.

If Jesus rose Today

Why did the religious chicken cross the road?

He was unconditionally elected to cross that road.

The Devil made him do it.

God said it, I believe it, that settles it!

All things happen for a reason.

God brought him to it. He will bring him through it.

No one but God can know!

... feel free to add your answer to the question in the comments. ツ

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Albert Einstein: The chicken did not cross the road. The road passed beneath the chicken.

Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

Marie Curie: Good question. And one that is much less hazardous to one’s health.

John David Jackson: You’ll find out after you complete this 37-page calculation.

Archimedes: I was running through the streets yelling and screaming, and it was only afterward that I realized I was carrying a chicken.

Blaise Pascal: The chicken felt pressure on this side of the road. However, when it arrived on the other side it still felt the same pressure.

Stephen Hawking: Chicken fluctuations will inevitably create a scenario where a chicken ends up on the other side of the yellow line, in which case there is a nonzero probability that it will escape to the other side.

Carl Sagan: There are billions and billions of such chickens, crossing roads just like this one, all across the universe. [Apologies for perpetuating the misquote.]

Robert Oppenheimer: Although it was deemed appropriate at the time, people will forever question whether it was correct for the chicken to cross the road.

... find more answers from the Harvard Physics Department.

I Don't Get No Respect!

A bit of Friday the 13th humor with thanks to the late Rodney Dangerfield ...

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie."

"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion.
He said okay, you're ugly too."

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

Maybe I should be New York Bob?

Ever wonder how you sound to others? Try clicking the image on the left and take a test to determine
"What American accent do you have".

As you can see from my results on the left I have apparently not shed as much of that New York City accent that I thought that I had. Makes me remember how the folks I worked with at the church used to call me New York Bob when they didn't like something I said or did.

Let me know if you take the test and what your result was.

Tolerable Thursdays

I liked this funny Shoebox cartoon and had to chuckle when I read this quote:

I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That's all any of us can hope for. -April Winchell

You never do hear anyone thanking God because it is Thursday.

LOL :: it's good for you!

Studies on humor and laughter from Duke University, Loma Linda University, UCLA and others have shown:

Laughing helps relax tense muscles.
It helps lower high blood pressure.
It reduces the production of stress hormones.
There are no known negative side effects to laughter.
Laughter and a positive attitude strengthen the immune system.
It allows a person to 'forget' about aches and pains and perceive pain as less intense.
A good laugh is like an aerobic workout for the heart and lungs--increasing the body's ability to use oxygen.

Just makes me want to catch a funny movie or TV show!

QNA :: First Theme Park

What Was The World’s First Theme Park?

Coney Island
Luna Park
Santa Claus Land
Disney Land

The How-To-Geek gives us the correct answer and more here.

You might live in Missouri if ...

According to Jeff Foxworthy you might live in, or hail from, Missouri if ...

• someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't even work there.
• you've worn shorts and a jacket at the same time.

•  you know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
  •  you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day.
  •  driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
  •  you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both doors unlocked.
  •  you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
  •  everyone in your family has been on a "float trip".
  •  "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.
  •  you ever rode a school bus over an hour each way.
  •  you had school classes canceled because of cold.
  •  you think “deer season” is a national holiday.
  •  "Down South" means Arkansas and you know where Idiots Out Wandering Around are located.
  •  you had school classes canceled because of heat.
  •  you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
•  you know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney, George Washington Carver and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.
  •  you know what "Home of Throwed Rolls" means!
  •  you know what’s supposed to be “knee-high by the Fourth of July.”
  •  you pronounce Missouri with an “ah” at the end.
  •  you’ve ever said (or heard) “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.”
  •  you’ve seen people wear bib overalls to funerals.
  •  your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
  •  you've seen farmers stop work and remove their hat as a funeral passes by.

If you actually understand more than a few of these you definitely do live, or have lived, in Missouri! Or Kansas! :)

March Madness :: Sweet Sistene

Hope no one takes offence at this image but I do find it interesting how religious life can mirror the corporate world. The exception is that a new corporate chief executive can be recruited from another company. That aspect of the corporate world has the ability to bring new ideas and life into the organization.

That said, I think that the Roman Catholicism might look a lot different if a new leader is selected from a continent other than Europe.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Pastoral Facial Hair

Hat Tip: Scot McKnight

Dysfunctional Christmas Carols

With complements of Therese Borchard at Beyond Blue ...

Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and…..
Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy – can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells….
Oppositional Defiant Disorder –
:: You better not cry – Oh yes I will
:: You better not Shout – I can if i want to
:: You better not pout – Can if i want to
:: I’m telling you why – Not listening
:: Santa Claus is coming to town – No he’s not!!

Hope a few of these brought a smile and a bit of cheer to you today. Hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

Count Me Out for #10

A little weekend humor that I found on G+

I grew up riding elevators in high school in Brooklyn and work in Manhattan but I cannot remember witnessing any like these annoyances. Two years ago we moved to a building with an elevator - have not seen any bad behavior here.

The highest elevator ride I have had is to the top of the Empire State Building. Also rode the one in Lady Liberty. Not bad for Vertigo Bob. :)

Have you ever had a weird elevator experience? What is your highest elevator ride?

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